The Wonder of Our Nervous System

This is the first in a short series of journals exploring how understanding our nervous system, felt safety and regulation may help us make more sense of ourselves.

This matters because understanding gives us more choice. We start to know ourselves, and from there, healing and growth become possible.

Many people discover the importance of working with their nervous system after spending years in therapy and wondering why they still feel the way they do, why their body reacts so strongly in situations that others seem to easily manage, and why seemingly ordinary things leave them feeling frightened, overwhelmed or completely depleted.

Lives can be spent repeatedly stuck in fighting for survival, shutdown, putting the needs of others ahead of themselves, or returning time and time again to a state of burnout.

So, what do I mean by the nervous system?

I’m referring to the autonomic nervous system, and please don’t let the name put you off. Think of it as your body’s automatic operating system. It works behind the scenes, influencing your breathing, heart rate, digestion, muscle tension, energy levels, and readiness to respond to the world.

It keeps you alive, and it is amazingly resilient. Just think of everything you have already experienced in your life, and here you are.

Most of the time, we barely notice this work. It helps us focus, respond to uncertainty, and connect with other people.

We are more likely to notice the nervous system when life stops feeling manageable. Your heart may race before doing something that feels uncomfortable. You may struggle to find your words when someone asks a question, lie awake replaying a conversation, or arrive home feeling depleted after seeing people. Sometimes the reaction seems much bigger than the moment, and that can feel frightening.

It is easy to see these experiences as a problem with who we are. We may decide we are too sensitive, not resilient enough or simply failing to cope. Many of us have become very skilled at pushing through, hiding what things cost us and carrying on until we simply cannot do it anymore.

Understanding the nervous system offers another way to make sense of our experiences, and somewhere to start understanding ourselves. Part of its work is to notice what is going on inside and around us, then adjust the body so that we are ready to respond. This happens quickly and largely outside conscious control. The system draws on what is happening now, but also on what it has learnt from what came before.

Our nervous system is protective

Our autonomic nervous system has two main branches: sympathetic and parasympathetic. The names matter less than recognising what they can feel like in everyday life.

The sympathetic branch gives us energy to act. You may know this as fight or flight. Our heart beats faster, our muscles tighten and our attention narrows. We might become anxious

or angry, want to escape, or feel driven to do something immediately. This is the body preparing to protect us.

The parasympathetic branch helps the body slow down, rest, digest and recover. Polyvagal theory describes a ventral vagal state within this system, sometimes associated with social engagement. Here, we may feel safe enough to connect, think, speak, listen and be present with another person.

When something feels too much and neither fighting nor escaping seems possible, we may freeze or shut down. We can feel foggy, heavy, disconnected, unable to speak or unable to begin. Freeze and shutdown are not exactly the same, but both can be protective responses rather than deliberate choices.

These states are not always as separate as they sound. Sometimes the body holds two at once, the racing heart of fight or flight alongside the stillness of shutdown, fear and immobility together rather than one following the other. This is sometimes called a hybrid or blended state, and it may explain why freeze can feel so frightening rather than restful. Our nervous system rarely sorts itself into the tidy categories we use to describe it.

For someone affected by trauma or with an AuDHD-shaped nervous system, these shifts may happen in response to sensory overload, uncertainty, social demands, or earlier experiences, not only obvious danger. In simple terms, this can be understood as a lack of felt safety.

These responses are not deliberate choices. They are signs of a body trying to protect us, conserve energy or help us manage what it expects might happen next.

Instead of only asking, “What is wrong with me?”, we can become curious: “What is my body responding to?” “What might it be expecting?” “What has helped it get through before?”

The wonder lies in change

The nervous system is not fixed; it has the capacity to be flexible and responsive. It is always receiving information and learning from experience. Just as it can learn to protect us quickly, it can also recognise moments of steadiness, choice and connection.

Change is not about ordering the body to calm down. If only it were so easy. It is a gradual process of recognising and understanding its signals and creating conditions in which it does not have to work quite so hard. This may happen through relationships, rhythm, sound, movement, rest or experiences that feel safe enough.

The more we understand this remarkable system, the more we may begin to understand ourselves. And that feels like a hopeful place to start.

In the next Journal I look at Felt Safety and the series finishes with Nervous System Regulation.

Image courtesy of Jason Weingardt from Unsplash.