No, we aren’t all a little bit autistic

Midlife plus is an interesting time of life, sometimes feeling as if it’s completely freeing and other times a sense of confusion about identity, visibility and belonging.

Add to this people feeling it is ok to share unkind or misguided opinions, on and offline, about people who feel different, have a different neurotype or wish to identify in a way that feels true to them.

I have a personal story about this, I will share more over the coming months, but for now, the truth is Autism in women has been chronically under-identified. The diagnostic criteria was built largely on male presentations. Girls learn to mask from an early age, adapt and perform, to mirror the people around them, to manage their difference quietly, to appear fine, and to please. By the time any of us reach our more mature years, masking is at Oscar performance level, and there can be utter confusion about who we truly are, and who really knows us.

But the cost is real. The exhaustion that doesn’t make sense and the relationships that take more than they give. The sense of always working harder than everyone else for the same results and the feeling of watching life through misted glass, sitting on the outside, confused.

If any of this resonates, if you are wondering, unsure, curious, then please read Samantha Craft’s checklist, Females and Autism: An Unofficial List.

It is one of the most quietly extraordinary documents I have come across. It is not a clinical tool, thank goodness, and it feels very accessible. A woman writing down what it actually feels like to be Autistic in language that is honest, specific and recognisable. I encourage you to read it with a cup of something warm and no agenda, just bring curiosity.

I feel a sense of duty with my albeit small online voice to encourage and support women in self-discovery. To help them find safety and themselves.

I work with women navigating exactly this territory, the late realisation, the grief and the relief of it, the process of understanding yourself accurately perhaps for the first time. I also have occasional one-to-one mentoring sessions available for women who want a safe, unhurried space to explore what this might mean for them. And courses coming at some time this year, fingers crossed.

If you sense I can support you, please get in touch.

I hope you enjoy reading Samantha’s list and if you want to continue to be curious and explore being different, together, you can also sign up to my newsletter, Nourish.

Jayne